Monday, October 5, 2009

Harsh words & violent blows
Hidden secrets nobody knows
Eyes are open, hands are fisted
Deep inside I'm warped and twisted
So many tricks and so many lies
Too many whens and too many whys
Nobody's special, nobody's gifted
I'm just me, warped and twisted
Sleeping awake & choking on a dream
Listening loudly to a silent scream
Call my mind, the number's unlisted
Lost in someone so warped and twisted
On my knees, alive but dead
Look at the invisible blood I've bled
I'm almost gone, my mind has drifted
Don't expect much, I'm warped and twisted
Burnt out, wasted, sad, and hollow
Today's just yesterday's tomorrow
The sun died out, the ashes sifted
I'm still here, warped and twisted

Been feeling rather low the whole week.
Any minor happenings will just spark tears running nonstop.
Don't know is it just feeling tired of school,
or am I tired of life?
Been having this sunken feeling in my chest.
It makes me feel that my heart is actually melting somehow.
It's just something spiritual.
Stop talking about logic and whatever.
Sometimes I feel that I'm actually forcing myself to continuing any conversation I have with anyone.
Even when I'm the one propose it, somehow it ended up to something that I wasn't expecting.

I know I have to be optimistic about life.
I know even if I fail in my university life,
it is not the end.
But this is reality,
there are criticism.
Yes, yes, about ah, ignore others, this is your life.
Sometimes I wonder if that's a naive thought to run away from others.
If we were to ignore others and not give a consideration to others,
why are people bothering to dress up? what about ethnics/morals and so on?
I don't know what's running through my mind.
I just feel damn depressed and that I'm glad that I have this tiny place to rant out my random thoughts.

Sometimes I know I can release myself from this bottomless pit.
I can create a ladder for myself.
I can throw a rope in.
Yet, I'm reluctant to climb on it.
I don't want to face it.

dozing off at 5:10 PM